Help me nail my most ambitious song yet...

[kalapoka]

Hey everyone,

What's life without a challenge and taking bold steps, right? So I went ahead and recorded myself of a song that I (i think we all) Love and respect - Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer (oh yes! ). It's definitely very ambitious of me, but I am quite bored of doing vocal exercises over and over and just thought of giving this a try. And I want you to help me out on completing this song in the best way I could. Please?

http://www.sendspace.com/file/gk4q4s

By the way I recorded at 1/2 step down, and recorded half of the song. After gathering your feedback, I'll work more on it and upload newer versions until i get it perfect. So humor me

So first off, I can hear these shortcomings in my current singing, and putting them down here so you can agree/disagree or give me tips on how to fix them:

1. Low notes: My low notes completely give way and falter. (ex - 'tough' in the phrase 'down on his luck its tough'). Sometimes I can't even say the word in the low notes.

2. Pitch issues - can you hear pitch issues overall in this clip? To my ears, it seems I have improved a bit from the last months (for example in the last clip of You give love a bad name I posted). I can hear in some places I lose coordination and the specific pitch falters, but do you think I am singing flat through out the song? - This is my biggest fear given our culture in bangladesh is very specific about this.

3. Mic technique - I am using a SM 58 thru a vocal patch of my line 6 guitar processor, but I've overblown the mic in many places in the clip. I am sure you can hear them from the beginning as well. Any tips on how I can improve that?

4. Tone and rasp - to my ears, my voice sounds quite girly and whiny in many places. Do you hear the same? I have tried bringing rasp in some places. Was it any good?

5. Overall comments - did I improve at all? What are the things I should concentrate more on?

Other notes about the clip is that the backing track is quite troublesome, it has some weird frequency phasing problems - you can hear it. I also took a lot of takes and this is pretty much the best I could do tonight. I think I can do better over the weekend if I am a bit more rested. I heard myself singing better in the 2nd verse of the clip. Do you think so too?

The shout 'Woo Hoo' has 3 layers and all are my voices. Funny thing is, the highest note in this clip is here, during the 'woo hoo', panned to the right channel and that was the easiest for me to pull off.

So I guess the final question is ... am I wasting my time? :D:D

[joshual]

I think you've done an excellent job .

1- You seem to have a natural high voice, so don't sing it 1/2 step down.

2- Some notes are off pitch but i think it come from a little lack of support

3- Don't put too much gain on it, and when you're going to put more volume in your voice, just step backward from the mic and it will solve the problem.

4-Don't hear your voice whinny, not girly. As i said before your voice seems to be naturaly high and bright. And the preset you use make your voice more bright. That may be why you think it sound girly, but not ;-). Try to change your preset. I have toneport too, wich preset did you use?

For the rasp thing, it seems to me that you're not doing it the right way, it seems like the rasp/distortion fall back in your throat. I'm not an expert but when i had some rasp ( the rock rasp, not the soul rasp), i try to feel it more like it's above my tongue. When i feel it gettin down in the throat 100% sure i'm hurting my voice.

5- Keep on working, you did a really great version of the song here. For me, just put more support and try to "give more" to the song. Be a little bit more in it and you'll be perfect

Conclusion:

Yoi're definitly not wasting your time.

[ronws]

You did not sound whiny. Nor girly, but it did sound light. I, too, would recommend changing eq to something that brings in the mid or lower overtones, as I think your eq made it the recording sound light. Then your rasp would fill out in recording. And I think you have the range to not drop 1/2 tone but whatever floats your boat. Though, and some may think I'm strange, I like accent in singing. For example, I hope that Klause Meine never sings like an american. I totally love his diction and pronunciation. But I noticed here and there that you were able to sing without your native accent you were almost from Red Bank, New Jersey. I thought that was pretty cool. Not a complaint, just a neat effect, I thought. And actually, you have a nice rasp in your lower notes. I think it was inventive and imaginative that you did harmony in three registers for "woooahh!"

You have a way better mic than I have and you are splatting on it, which makes me feel better, as I am not alone in overloading a mic. The only thing I can is like Jen suggested, hold the mic away. I recently did another song and splatted the mic pretty good without trying and I didn't move it away like I usually do. I sent it to someone for review and he suggested I move the mic away on the high loud parts, which is what I usually do.

I happen to like the tone of your voice. And you are a nautural tenor made for this song, I think.

[akarawd]

Hi Kalapoka,

1. Low notes: My low notes completely give way and falter. (ex - 'tough' in the phrase 'down on his luck its tough'). Sometimes I can't even say the word in the low notes.

I don't know how warmed up you were but some of your "tough" sound really great, maybe the 1st one falters a bit. The thing is you seem to be able to sing quite high by nature so it's probably down to warming up and exercising that part of your voice.

2. Pitch issues - can you hear pitch issues overall in this clip? To my ears, it seems I have improved a bit from the last months (for example in the last clip of You give love a bad name I posted). I can hear in some places I lose coordination and the specific pitch falters, but do you think I am singing flat through out the song? - This is my biggest fear given our culture in bangladesh is very specific about this.

I checked your previous recording and you're not singing flat throughout the song, there are pitch errors in places but I believe that most of the times this is down to the fact that one hasn't rehearsed the song enough (I'm telling you so I can hear it too) - I mean practicing the song using vowels first until it sounds perfect, memorizing the exact position of the notes and then recording it.

3. Mic technique - I am using a SM 58 thru a vocal patch of my line 6 guitar processor, but I've overblown the mic in many places in the clip. I am sure you can hear them from the beginning as well. Any tips on how I can improve that?

See my answer in the "recording" thread.

4. Tone and rasp - to my ears, my voice sounds quite girly and whiny in many places. Do you hear the same? I have tried bringing rasp in some places. Was it any good?

The only places I heard rasp where on the "tough" words which I liked a lot, but the rest is indistinguishable due to the overall distortion, to my ears at least.

About the girly thing, your voice sounds really good and not girly at all. If you mean the really high overlapping melodies you did in "woh" then you should hear the

proper recordings of certain professional singers when not mixed properly and you'll be surprised.

5. Overall comments - did I improve at all? What are the things I should concentrate more on?

See above.

No one is wasting their time kalapoka, at the very least we're having fun. Good luck with your re-recording the song.

[Olem]

I agree with the above answers.

You have a very nice timbre and it´s not girly/whiny sounding. if you put a little more effort and support i think it will sound even better. i don´t either hear that you would have a big issue with the higher tones. Keep up the good work!

[kalapoka]

Thanks to every one for their kind comments!

any one else wants to lend a helping hand? :rolleyes:

[jonpall]

Every now and then you rasp just a bit too much for my taste so that it becomes slightly fake. No offence, lol. And sometimes you might rasp just a bit more. But usually you're doing this well, dude. You might want to work a bit on your accent - it's not that thick but still I can hear it and some might also. Your pitch could be slightly better at places but usually it's spot on. But listen to yourself even more carefully than you do right now and try to make it as perfect as you can. No one is perfectly on pitch on every word when they sing live so don't worry. If you fix these issues, which is quite doable for you, as you seem to have good sense of music in general and singing - you'll see huge improvements already and I'm sure you'll see it in people's reaction to you when you sing.

[jonpall]

Let's just go over the beginning of the song:

"Tommy used to work on the docks": This sounds very good the way you sing it here - great tone, attitude, rasp, pitch, etc. I've got nothing but good stuff to say about this.

Next line...

"Union's been on strike": Here you get slightly too raspy and nasally for my taste. Perhaps your clenching your throat and tensing it too much?

"He's down on his luck": Here, the word "luck" has a bit of an accent.

"it's tough, so tough.": Very good!

"Gina works the diner all day": Very good!

"Working for her man. She brings home her pay for love": MOSTLY good

"Mmmm for love": Very good!

"She says she's gotta hold on": Ok, but a bit of an accent and nasality on the final word "on" and perhaps slightly on the word before - "hold", but not much, though.

"to what we've got": A bit of an accent there.

"It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We got each other and that's a lot for love": Good pitch and rasp but slight accent.

"We'll give it a shot": Slightly off pitch and slightly too thin - you might want to change the vowels a bit to give it more meat. And be more relaxed, even though you give it some energy for that line.

"The chorus": Basically some pitch problems are ruining it a bit for you - probably because you got a bit nervous just before singing what a friend of mine consistantly thinks is the toughest rock song to sing, ever

Everything in there can be fixed. Good job, man!

[jonpall]

I disagree with akarawd, though, that you can only hear rasp on the word "tough". I can hear it in many places. For example, just in the very first scentence. It usually sounds great, except in certain places where you constrict a bit too much like f.ex. in "union's been on strike".

[kalapoka]

jonpall!!! that's one detailed review man!!! Thanks so much!!!!!

you rock! \m/!

and yes, your friend is right, this is the toughest rock song for me right now ...

thanks again!!!!

[jonpall]

No problem. Other people might disagree with what I said. But do listen to it again with those points in mind and see if you find them valuable. Have a nice day!

[ronws]

No problem. Other people might disagree with what I said. But do listen to it again with those points in mind and see if you find them valuable. Have a nice day!

I think you made an excellent review. And I'm glad you noticed the shifting accent. As I said, I don't mind of Fahim sings in his accent but there were a few times it disappeared and he sounded like Jon bon Giovanni, and that was cool, too.

I thought the harmonies were neat in the chorus, even though they distracted me a little, I chalked up to me comparing it to the original.

[kalapoka]

No problem. Other people might disagree with what I said. But do listen to it again with those points in mind and see if you find them valuable. Have a nice day!

Hey Man, Doesn't matter at all. everyone has different view points and your review was really well thougth out and to the point! Thanks! But I don't know how I can fix my accent issues yet...my long island, NY resident friends don't hear it in me and neither do I, but I am sure it's there so I guess I will definitely take a look into it as soon as I fix the pitch/range issues!

Ron - thanks for the 'sounds like giovanni' comment. I have a big grin on my face after reading that ...