Concerned with one part of a song I recorded

[Seth]

http://www.box.com/s/u48mb48n5u3cay0ovbmc

This is an original song, was in the studio working on it yesterday, but was sick while doing so. Added in the part from 2:35-2:40, which is an ascending minor passage from D4 to a D5 scream. Essentially, I'm worried that this part doesn't sound good, whether it be in the context of the song or just the scream itself. I am not looking for encouragement. I am looking for honesty. Please, TELL ME IF THIS SUCKS. I won't be hurt, I really just need opinions that are outside of the band's/producer's right now. Thank you.

Edit: The time stamp is 2:35 for the scream itself.

[ronws]

The ascending arpeggio sounded fine, to me. Reminded me somewhat of the guy from Head East.

It stands out from the rest of the song because, actually, your pitch control is supertight on that, and looser on the verses. But I think you have lose pitch there for the feeling intended. Almost a conversational feel. What initially sounded like a pitch drop off was actually a descending triplet or trill, which would actually be quite difficult for most people to do.

Of course, my opinion may not mean much. I have been told that I am pitchy, so my ears or note recognition may be off.

As for how well that fits in the song, I am not sure. I, too, have been guilty of putting something in a song that I liked doing but didn't really fit the song or was distracting. I did some Justin Hawkins kind of notes in "Heaven on their Minds" and it didn't really fit and was pitchy because I improvised those, so my brother who mixed it for me took it out of the final mix. Another time, on "Live Like You Were Dying," I held this ridiculously long note that became a distraction after the first 10 seconds. If I had to do it again, I would chop that note off a little sooner, even if it means I can't show off.

So, I don't know if the high part is a misfit, or not, but it is tonally different than the rest, even if it fits, emotionally, which may be the final deciding factor. Does it express what you want to express? It would be easier for you if I could just rip you to shreds but it is even harder for you to edit yourself. I know, been there, done that.

On some songs, I would create another track and do some jazzy shredding with the guitar. In playback, it just didn't make sense. So, I would go back and record a new track with a much simpler set of guitar fills and it made the song better.

[ronws]

Also, don't mention if you are sick, right off the bat. It sets people up with the expectation of failure. You always give your best, sick or not, and we know it. And not everyone will hear that you are sick. Case-in-point;

After my second bout of self-induced partial laryngitis, while my voice was still in recovery, I recorded an acoustic version of "Heaven and Hell" by Black Sabbath. So, my top notes sounded a bit raspy. It was a result of partially recovered fine control and keeping my throat as open and relaxed as I could.

Someone liked it and the "awesome" tone I had up top. My reply was, "With any luck, I will not be able to do that again." They were not aware of my malady until I pointed that out. Point being, as much as they liked the tone, it was a result of temporary damage and not something to aspire to doing.

[Seth]

Thanks Ron, appreciate the response. I think that the note is just too long. My violist said it started out awesome and got to be too much. So, like you did with your high note, I think shortening it is the best bet. I''m thinking a fade so it sounds like I am backing off the mic as the solo comes in.

Yes, and I agree I shouldn't have mentioned I was sick, it isn't relevant.

Seth

[Ryan11]

Hi there.

For me, the beginning build up to the top note is nice. The deliverance of the top part though doesn't sound bad by any means, but it rather jumps out from what went before - imo. It either needs to be sang smoother or - given that recording lead vocals on separate days is bad due to tonal differences (temperature of the room, how you sounded that day, the foldback mix) - maybe automate in a large reverb for the top note, fade it back and just use some mixing tricks etc... to blend it better. As a sound engineer (not a pro though, for what it's worth!) that might be the way forward if you can't live with it (and by the nature of coming on here asking, you clearly have your doubts).

hope that helps.

[Felipe Carvalho]

That part is clearly not working. Dont use it.

The rest of the song would benefit greately if you find a coach to work with you during the recording, the interpretation line is too linear.

About the technical quality of the recording itself, there is a difference between the first verses and later on. I could not determine if its due to different mic position or a different vocal posture (recorded on different days?), I think that a boost around 6Khz on those parts will fix the diff.

There are key spots where you are not on pitch that needs correction, either comping or auto-tune "like a game" is one.

There many details that needs more attention, like using the vowel EE on "me" in a part of the song and later on opening it to an "eh" on the same word.

I can see it working, but do keep track of those details man! GL

About the arpeggio, simplify it to work within your range, and it will fit nicely.

[Seth]

Thank you Ryan and Felipe, looks like this song is getting benched for awhile while I decide what to do with it. Unfortunately I am not recording this at home, so access to rerecording the vocals (which I should have done but was short on time) is limited. You are both right that the latter run was recorded on a different day than the rest (excluding some ohs that were added in after the first chorus).

I will use everything you've said (Ron too) in my considerations of where to go from here. You've been very helpful.

Seth

[Ryan11]

I should add by the way, having just re-listened, i really like the track! Kinda got a nice grove and laid back feel. A little grungy as well on the verses. cool stuff.

[Seth]

Thanks! REALLY appreciate that comment, haha.