1) Been in therapy for years. I'll explain that in a few more bulletin points.
2) One of the things I've been in therapy for is insecurity and severe trust issues. I choose not to trust people because of what happened many years ago. If I can't even trust my own family, I can't afford to trust my friends. Allowing people to get close to me is not worth the risk of getting burned again. I don't even trust my therapist, who I have been seeing for a little over 6 years.
3) That's something that I've known works but it doesn't seem to help my singing. I do this with everything that I want to get better at, whether it be science work, gaming, or anything in between. If I want to be better, I do what it takes to get better. But that isn't working for my singing, and I have the same mental state/lack of confidence regarding my singing as other areas in which I have vastly improved.
4) As stated in point 3, I do believe that I can get better with practice, but I haven't been trained or properly educated. And the confidence thing is an issue which I will explain in the next and final point.
5) My mentality hasn't been in working order for 12 years. As a result of events that occurred in middle school, for some reason I left the school with more emotional and mental trauma than I thought was possible for that situation. The end result was the development of a very serious mental disorder which I won't say publicly; but to explain it mildly, it has left me extremely paranoid, anxious, defensive, insecure, and self conscious. Because of the emotional and mentally scarring events, it has also left me very cynical and bitter.
I'm taking meds of course, and I'm in therapy. But, again, I've hit a brick wall. No matter how much I want to change, and no matter how much I make a conscious effort to change, it doesn't happen. I've been at this for years, and there has only been improvement in my mood; and because of the meds, I don't have serious problems (I mean end up in jail or dead within a month serious) that would occur if I was off the meds.
*EDIT*
Too long, didn't read:
1) Mental disorder causing mental and psychological instability
2) I haven't heard another singer with a voice similar to mine, which I like, because I don't want people to think that I sound like someone else; I want my voice to be unique...but I don't like the sound of my voice.
3) I don't like the way my voice sounds because I mumble...very badly. My annunciation is appalling, and I'm going to need a lot of help to correct it (I can't count the number of times people have told me that I could be a ventriloquist).
Summary of what to do:
1) Get past the mental block
2) Speech Therapist
3) Vocal Coach
4) Sing my heart out