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Wanna present a new song "Overtime workdays"

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Jugulator
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I'd like you to listen and strongly criticize an original song "Overtime workdays" by "Pokrovsk Alliance" with my voice. I'm also the author of the lyrics and video. I need your opinion regarding the song, lyrics, and video. Thank you very much in advance.

Here is the video:

Lyrics:

verse 1

Silent factory is here

Lights go down across the shop

A lonely lamp is only near

Lighting bright as daylight

In the dark

A lonely turner working

Above the mark

Chorus

Overtime workdays

He will need anyways

To make extra money

In the name of his honey…

verse 2

Chosen worthy part to play

He was taught to keep away

From deceiving anyway

Be a good example

To the crowd

Walk along the lifetime

Floodlit out

Chorus

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Bravo!

For a few reasons. A) Singing your own stuff, for this is where you will shine. B) Well written song with an excellent story. The subject matter makes me think of the strong images of "Blue Collar Man" by STYX. C) Excellent use of concept in the video. D) Compliments to your bandmates. An excellent guitar solo that is not over the top but is not bland, either.

Do that some more.

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I'd appreciate if you read and discuss the following lyrics for a new song... Are there any errors? Does it sound good enough? Thanks a lot.

(You're) Not alone

Don’t try to think that you’re the one,

‘Cause in the whole world you’re not alone,

Not alone…

The world is hard to change its way,

There ain’t no choice, we gotta stay.

And if you want to cross the line,

Don’t do it fool, stop wasting your time.

Look ahead –

The Earth is splendid and ever not the same.

You’re living here sure not in vain.

You’re living here sure not in vain.

Solo

The world is hard to change its way,

There ain’t no choice, we gotta stay.

There ain’t no choice, we gotta stay.

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It's a matter of dialect. Americans, especially americans from southern states will say ain't. I am used to hearing the word so it didn't jump out as wrongly phrased, to me. So, it depends on the dialect or accent you are wanting to achieve. Ain't is also informal and brings you closer to the listener.

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