Original song "The Sin"

[jonathangraham]

Hey Guys, heres a new track thats still at the demo stages really even though i've played around with this one for a while. I still think it needs a little something extra but not sure what really.

Any tips on structure, performance, lyrics absolutely anything good or bad is welcome

Regards

[Jugulator]

Oh yeah! That's great, man A bit resembles Linkin Park, your vocal too.

[jonathangraham]

Thanks for taking the time to listen Jugulator and great complement :D

[gno]

jonathan - that is fantastic! I really like it. It has a huge sound - and I like the chord progressions. The vocals are perfect. There are just a couple things on the mix - the panning on the intro is cool, but when listening with headphones (like I did) that kind of panning can be distracting. To me the kick and bass were both a little lost. The guitars are huge and sound great, and in the chorus the guitar is masking the vocals too much. Overall a great performance!

[akarawd]

Great singing man, really fits the song, well done.

Thanos

[ronws]

I had not thought of Linkin Park. To me, my first impression was Soundgarden and Pearl Jam had a lovechild. And I mean that as a compliment. The crispness of Cornell's vocal style mixed with the melodic sense of Pearl Jam. PJ is very much a melodic band and Eddie is something of a legato singer. Chris Cornell is very effective at clear diction.

Very good. Beats the crap out of my ballad where Guns and Roses had afternoon tea with White Lion.

[jonathangraham]

guitartrek - thanks for the feedback on that i'm pleased that you enjoyed the track. i think your right on the mix and to be honest that could be all it needs to make the difference....i hate mixing!!!!! :mad:

thank you akarawd!

ronws - you really got where i wanted to go with this track. i love that style but also wanted to add an element of a perfect circle to the mix also. ill be quoting you on "my first impression was Soundgarden and Pearl Jam had a lovechild". im not worthy but amazing statement none the less. ill have to find that ballad you mentioned, sounds crazy! hehe

[ronws]

ronws - you really got where i wanted to go with this track. i love that style but also wanted to add an element of a perfect circle to the mix also. ill be quoting you on "my first impression was Soundgarden and Pearl Jam had a lovechild". im not worthy but amazing statement none the less. ill have to find that ballad you mentioned, sounds crazy! hehe

You may certainly quote me on that. Both as an honest assessment to your abilities and the sensitivities of my ear, and as a well-turned phrase, if I do say so, myself.

Once in a while, I have a good moment.

As for my song, I will send it to you in an email, so as not to derail your thread.

[Daug Poland]

And again - very cool bro.

[jonathangraham]

be sure you do ronws.

thanks Daug!

[ronws]

Already done, Jon. I thought you might have replied, by now.

But you are probably busy, as I am.

[jonathangraham]

i havent got it, :| Ron where have you emailed this too? ive just added you on the main page btw

[ronws]

i havent got it, :| Ron where have you emailed this too? ive just added you on the main page btw

I clicked on your "email" link in your post. Evidently, that is not working, though it usually does for others.

Very well, i will link it, here.

The song was inspired by "Patience" by Guns & Roses but my guitar ended up sounding like a White Lion ballad.

"Gimme Some Time" by Ron Stone, copyright 1990.

http://dl2.dropbox.com/u/8750209/Gimme%20Some%20Time.mp3

[jonathangraham]

sweet, thanks for that...ahh ok its probably in my email somewhere but to be honest i get so much junk in there i never really use that one for personal stuff i just use it to active sites ect.

copyright 1990 eh? you don't seem old enough Ron. pretty good song, defo getting the influences listed think a little more detail to the pitch might help get the song across as those pitchy moments kinda distract me but thats just in my opinion of course. maybe thats what you were going for? and i'd lose the guitar solo just didn't seem to fit and came out of nowhere but could have been just cos the tone was poor...kinda sounded like a bee trapped in a jam jar

hey but apart from that i liked it :D

[ronws]

The guitar solo was a last minute improv. And yes, the tone stunk. I don't have the levels set right on the second port of my USB interface. As for my age, dollars to donuts, I'm old enough to be your dad. Which probably makes me sound worse, since you didn't really like my song and gave a "politically correct" good effort thing at the end. It's probably a generational thing.

Please believe me, my feelings are not hurt, in any way. This is your thread and I didn't want to post it here and wanted to send it through email but, as you said, you can't be bothered with email.

Peace out and be good and good to yourself.

[gno]

ron - You're tune is really good - I enjoyed it! I like the unplugged feel. I agree with Jonathan on the tone of the guitar. I think it would fit more if you had a drum part, bass guitar and some a couple rythm guitars. What are you using to record with? Your voice never sounded better than this. You're getting meatier in the upper range which sounds cool.

[ronws]

ron - You're tune is really good - I enjoyed it! I like the unplugged feel. I agree with Jonathan on the tone of the guitar. I think it would fit more if you had a drum part, bass guitar and some a couple rythm guitars. What are you using to record with? Your voice never sounded better than this. You're getting meatier in the upper range which sounds cool.

Hey, Geno. I had actually posted this ballad before. But I didn't want to take over Jon's thread. And you don't have an email link, either. So, let me start another thread.

[Olem]

Great stuff, Jonathan, sounded excellent.

[jonathangraham]

I know it's a bit cheeky and slightly off topic since were just focusing on the singing here but i just uploaded a music video made for the song and thought some of you might like it.

hope you enjoy :cool:

[Keith]

My first impression was disturbed meets Godsmack lol. Great tune. I'd add some volume to the main vocs (if it was mine) - cause they are friggin awesome and sometimes buried.

[jonathangraham]

thanks for listening 8DACDDDE........i'm hearing what you mean (about them being buried, not the awesome part ) a remix is in order.