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Another Song I've Written Today-thoughts?

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Chapman123
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 I think I may have enough songs to record an Album now or at least a Demo Album...I'm going to start working on that. I like the concept of this one, but there's something not right...I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's the guitar after the first couple of verses. I'm thinking I might need a guitar introduction at the beginning so it's not so rushed and maybe not switch the keys as much- what do you think? 

 

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I saw the original post about subject matter. I think it works at expressing what it is, as a mood piece dealing with a painful subject, but it's definitely on the artier side of song compositions. The level of dissonance reaches near atonality in places and the structure is not conventional in the way the melodies build or form. It doesn't provide a stable tonality for listeners. I hear lots of chromatic crawling of pitches which can often move a piece further away from commercial art forms.

 

It's appropriately short, as these uncomfortable emotions might be too painful for people to withstand for a longer duration. It communicates something valuable and something that artists should be saying, but it sounds like the subject matter, which could potentially repel listeners. Art imitates life, and when it imitates a painful subject, it can be divisive and people may not want to live painful experiences. I want you to keep making artier songs, but be aware of the way people tend to react psychologically.

 

If you wanted to send this more commercial, you'd probably need to anchor the key just a bit more. But I'm not sure you should. You might leave this as an art piece, that expresses exactly this subject, and write a new more accessable song. Maybe if you write more about the recovery process from a painful experience, people might relate to it by giving them 'release.' When you give them mostly tension, it's honest, but ultimately the average person craves the release more.

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