Demo Song Written Today- Any thoughts?

[Chapman123]

It's a rough take for sure, I'll have to re-record it all better, but what do you think?  The diction is really bad in the recording, I'll fix that in the next recording . 

I

[KillerKu]

This has good harmonic progression. I really liked the music breathing at 0:40. Gives the song a resting point before it proceeds.

 

Something I might think would be interesting would be to give "As the dust, carried in the wind" section a bit more energy. The song has a lot of sections, and that section is the most repeated and closest thing to a chorus you've got. If you were to give that section a bit more more oomph it might add more variation. Maybe the section before the outro "Wandering Soul Waits for More" could be made more pleading and urgent as well. 

 

So yeah, it's good, but for my tastes maybe a bit more dynamics might connect more. Let me try an experiment. Reading lyrics, I'll interpret an emotion that  if I were to sing I would try to convey with my voice:

 

I'm traveling home to see my friends. (nostalgia)
I don't think I'll return again. (feelng torn)
The wind and I have never been friends. (loneliness)
Its slithering sheets only pretends, (betrayal) 
I won't chase its tricks again. (regret)
To be something, it never plans. (independence)
So down to the frozen river I go. (resolute)
In search of secret treasures I go. (adventurous)
I'm peeling through this earthly womb.  (Investigative)
I'm shedding away this earthly skin. (renewed energy)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Grieving loudly )
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Stifling grief more quietly)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Almost speaking)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (fading (almost a whisper)
Beneath all swears, prayers, and stares, (feeling small)
In the morning light. In the morning light. (hope)
Drenching the sin, letting sunshine in. (remorse)
A wandering soul pleas for more. (pleading)
A wandering soul pleas for more. (pleading more urgently)

 

So it might be an interesting exercise to try a song this way. Your intepretation, of course. It wouldn't have to be mine, but when I sing this is how I sing songs. I don't write it down, but it might help in the songwriting process for both of us to write it down, since writing songs is way harder than singing karoake.

 

Anyway,  on a side note, what mic position do you use to record your acoustic or is it a plugged in acoustic? I really like your acoustic guitar timbre. Actually your vocal quality is aways very precise too. Wish I could get an acoustic mix as nice as you get them. Do you use any special EQ or settings? Mine always sound like mud. You have a lot of clarity in your recordings which make them almost immediately pro.

 

So yeah, I do like the song, but maybe you could experiment with some of those ideas. I think I will the next time I write a song.

[Chapman123]

Thanks ,I appreciate the insight. I agree, I need to create more of an emotional connection with this song. Haha my voice probably lacks spirit in many areas of this recording because I recorded at around 3am in the morning(sometimes the inspiration arrives at an inconvenience:P). I definitely need to add more oomph with the lines" As the dust carried in the wind". I have a basic zoom h4n recorder; my recording goes as follows:

 

For this recording I was too tired to sing and play at the same time so I multi-layered.  

 

Guitar First: 

 

-Get some cardboard and create a box for the mic to sit in, leave a small hole for the tripod and a side open. 

-Recorder placed just below the body of the guitar, about 2ft,(to pick up the lower bass ends) and positioned off to left of the guitar, so that the recorder's mics are facing diagonally towards the fretboard( from the arm strumming the guitar,  take the position of the elbow and move back some, that is usually where I'll stand the mic. This prevents the recorder from becoming too muddy and it will be able to pick up more room ambiance too- clarity

-In Adobe Audition I apply an equalizer- to raise the lower ends a titch and adjust overtones- I also add a very subtle amount of reverb(less harsh that way)  

 

Voice: 

 

-Since I recorded most of the guitar from the left side, I record the voice from the right side to compensate a little. 

-Place a thin cloth or a windshield over your mic. 

-Set preamp to about 68 

-Position recorder in front of you mouth about 1ft away. 

- In adobe Audition I apply a very subtle amount of reverb and I crank up the highs and raise the lows slightly, because the zoomh4n has a very even range I like to raise the areas where my voice lies so that any background noise will be unnoticed. When you raise the high ends you can get this very vintage/warm sound and softness added.

 

Rendering:

 

-I render to wave or monkey audio; I find that mp3 audio can lose a lot of detail from being overly compressed.  

[Chapman123]

I think I'm going to try this structure(I agree with many areas of your perception) and we'll see how it goes . 

 

I'm traveling home to see my friends. (nostalgia and longing)
I don't think I'll return again. (feeling torn)
The wind and I have never been friends. (loneliness, mixed with frustration)
Its slithering sheets only pretends, (betrayal) 
I won't chase its tricks again. (regret)
To be something, it never plans. (independence)
So down to the frozen river I go. (resolute)
In search of secret treasures I go. (adventurous)
I'm peeling through this earthly womb.  (Investigative, freedome)
I'm shedding away this earthly skin. (renewed energy)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Grieving loudly)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Stifling grief more quietly)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (Almost speaking)
As the dust, carried in the wind. (fading (almost a whisper)
Beneath all swears, prayers, and stares, (small, wonder)
In the morning light. In the morning light. (hope)
Drenching the sin, letting sunshine in. (enlightenment)
A wandering soul pleas for more. (pleading)
A wandering soul pleas for more. (pleading more urgently)