Okay.
a lot of this is out of key, and what is not out is monotone. It was as if you were trapped between reading aloud, rap, and singing. The melody was a bit awkward, and more like a poetry recitation.
I don't intend on being cruel. But there is a lot to work on here, if you are willing to work, you'll improve. I'll leave it to the more experienced forum members to help you with plan of attack.