ShoeGaze

@Robert Lunte Wow, I completely uploaded the wrong song. I was a bit out of it, but here you go.
Sorry about that, thanks! You gave me pointers and some advice on the earlier version of this song I posted, was a bit boring before.

Hi all. I took your advice from the last time I posted this song and made some improvements. As far as vocals go, I tried out your guys' suggestion and screamed/yelled the final chorus (Sounds like I summoned my inner Kurt Cobain) I've never screamed/yelled while I sang before, so it wasn't easy and took a few takes until I was semi-satisfied with the performance. Any tips on how I could improve that and make it sound even better?
Also, the song in general is more dynamic as the previous review stated that the song just was lacking change and excitement, so I added louder and more distorted guitar parts, crashing cymbals, drum fills, drum drop outs at the bridge, etc. Just in general touched it up and improved it on a second run through making the song more aggressive to better reflect my bands' more raw and heavier live sound. If it can be improved further, let me know!
 
Cheers!
 
 

Hi all,
So yeah, I wrote a new song. Been very creative lately. Anyway, this one is very personal to me and wasn't easy to write but I needed to finally do it, it's about losing someone I loved tremendously to drug addiction, severe depression, suicide. This is my way of coping with it. I haven't talked about it since to anyone, I almost couldn't even finish the song and literally cried after I finished it. I'm so happy I was able to do this and do this song.
Since this song is very special and emotional to me, I'm REALLY trying to capture the emotions through my singing, and let the listener feel what I'm feeling through emotion and lyrics combined with the music.
One thing I'm doing that I've never done before is yell singing? I don't know what to call it, I usually sing very subdued as you can tell from my earlier stuff, but the chorus line "I watched as you slowly blew away, I watch you, as you just drift away" was the most important to me, so I layered it with singing louder, and at the last chorus I full on yelled almost all vocal takes. I REALLY wanted to capture something emotional, raw, where you could hear either the pain, anger, or something in that yell but I don't think I nailed it.
 
Please tell me how I could improve that yell at the end, and if any other parts of the singing are off or not "feeling" right for what this song means. Thanks guys/girls.
 

Hi Robert, thank you for the review and the welcome!
I have no idea what a vocal fry is, i'll look into this.
Had no idea about the gothic vibe, that's odd i'm about the most hipster guy you'd ever wanna meet, typical dirty Echo Park hipster with blue hair. Definitely have never listened to goth before! Interesting.
 
I'll play around with some vocal stuff where you suggested and will check out the lesson package you provided. I am a bit poor as of right now, living that starving artist's life but I'll see what I can do!

Hi!
 
Here's another song, my most recent that I wrote a couple of days ago.
Same vocal concerns that I posted in my previous recent thread for the song: (All The Good Things) that post explains in more detail my concerns and everything, basically just concerned about the vocals because I'm a new singer and a new songwriter. Any thoughts / tips / criticism / advice / or anything you'd like to add would be highly appreciated!
The song gets a bit repetitive after the bridge, I wrote the song in about 3-4 hours and just got lazy and impatient. Definitely going to change the bridge to add variety/dynamics.