Critique on this song I wrote?

[Chapman123]

I apologize for the poor recording quality.

Lyrics=

Don't be strong my friend. Don't hold on to it again.

For even the rivers cry now and again.

The leaves may fall, but they'll grow back.

So let the tears come surging through.

A day not new is one held on to.

I'm fine is a phrase often poorly used.

A day's not new, if you hold on too.

A day not new, is one held on to.

I kind of forget some lyrics in my recording haha, oh well .

I've also added a lot more to the song instrumentally, so I'll upload a revised copy later.

[KillerKu]

Wow, I like the drawling sound of your voice. It has a depth of character that sounds almost otherworldly in the context of the music.

It really fits the melancholy setting of the of the backing music. One of the things I like about it is how the words are kind of slurred. It makes the entire track sound distant, faint, like a melancholy but fading memory being worked through.

The timbre of your voice is great. There is a murky richness that further adds to the other worldly nature. I also liked the picking patterns and harmonic structure on the guitar.

The one thing I'd say, is if you're aiming for more mainstream audiences, try making the melodies a bit catchier and enunciate a bit clearer in other songs, but potentially keep songs like this as an album track for fans who would be aware of you. They say you need a hook to draw people in, you'd need your "Creep" so you could make your "Kid A". Once audiences have an intimate connection they will be more ready to go to these otherworldly places with you. Keep making art, man. It was good to hear.